Guitar SmashBeing a musician can be hard on the body and mind. If you’ve ever slept on a cold basement floor with a water pipe for a pillow, you probably know where I’m coming from. My band, Crash Course, once spent an entire tour eating only french fries with mayonnaise and lemon (I do not recommend). Maybe you’ve tried stage diving into a sparse crowd, attached electrodes to your tongue, accidentally stood above the spark guns on stage, or attempted jumping through your drummers bass drum while wrestling a baby crocodile. Whatever the case, here are some tried and true methods for preserving your health.

1. Drink water
This is an incredibly important element of keeping your body in tip top running condition, which I personally, only just discovered. The health benefits of drinking water are truly amazing. I’ve noticed it helps considerably with hangovers, and I’ve noticed it becomes much easier to blink and swallow.

2. Take breaks
Sometimes you’re in the zone. You’re playing that epic lick and your mind, body, and fingers are one, but your carpal tunnel is screaming for help. Your carpal tunnel is like a tunnel of flames and anguish. When this happens. It’s best to take a break and perhaps apply a cold compress.

3. Don’t grip your instrument too tightly.
The last time I played Summerfest with my mates, I caught a wild hair and started slamming my ’76 Gibson SG (God rest her soul) against the stage with all my might. She finally splintered and broke at the neck. It took six days and a tub of Vaseline before I could pry my fingers off the headstock. So don’t grip your instrument tight; hold it gently.

4. Wear ear plugs
You wouldn’t think of it when you’re rocking right next to an eight foot column of bangin’ speakers melting your brain with stellar hooks and pounding beats, but those high decibel levels can hurt your hearing. Why, my mum said something to me the other day and it just sounded like a hair dryer buzzing. Totally weird.

5. Don’t start fights
I’ve only learned this one recently. Do you know how many injuries result from your everyday fist fight? The statistics are staggering! Why, last time I started a fight, I had to have six jelly beans surgically removed from my eye socket. That’s three more jelly beans then I had to get removed the time before! So save yourself the jelly bean surgery and don’t start fights.

Well, that’s all the health tips I got for you right now. Gonna go catch a half-dozen beers down at the pool hall with some pals. Do you have any advice for musicians wanting to stay healthy? Feel free to leave them in the comments below.


The Snake

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