The 20 Worst Love Songs of All Time

Red paper heat with bandage from Shutterstock.comI don’t know what these songs prove: that people don’t pay attention to lyrics, that 80’s Power Ballads truly are forever, that there’s a thin line between sentiment and mental?

Whatever the reason, we thought it’d be fun this Valentine’s Day to compile a list of the worst love songs of all time. I asked my fellow CD Baby teammates to place their nominations and they were happy to let me know which songs drive them absolutely batty.

Here we go…

1. “Taste of My Love” by Emerson, Lake & Palmer

From the album Love Beach. The cover art says it all.

2. “He Hit Me (And It Felt like a Kiss)” by The Crystals

Just in case anyone is unsure why this one is on the list, I’ll state the obvious: this is not excusable behavior, even if you were “untrue.”

3. “Miles Away” by Winger

Apparently even Winger thinks this song is terrible, because the Official Winger YouTube channel has disabled the embedding function for the video.

4. “Love Injection” by Bang Tango

If you play “Love Injection” backwards you can hear the devil singing “catch this communicable disease.”

5. “I Used to Love Her” by Guns N’ Roses

The comedic romanticization of murdering a woman who was either 1) an unbearable nag, or 2) completely justified voicing her concerns about being in a relationship with a drug-addled narcissist.

6. “Long Way to Love” by Britny Fox

The only thing longer than the way to love is their hair. If that’s the way to love, I’m happy to stay home and lonely.

7. “Fill You Up” by Nelson

You know how when you quit smoking, doctors tell you to replace that bad habit with a healthier addiction? Well, anytime you find yourself wanting to listen to Nelson, reach for some Nilsson instead.

8. “Every Breath You Take” by The Police

People like to make a big deal about how this is actually a stalker song. Fine, fine. But what about the fact that Sting made enough money off this one track to last him a lifetime — so he was free to inflict upon us “Fields of Gold,” “Desert Rose,” and so much more.

9. “I Said I Loved You… But I Lied” by Michael Bolton

We said we hated this song. Give us a polygraph.

10. “Truly Madly Deeply” by Savage Garden

What’s the antonym of “savage?”

11. “Love Stinks” by J. Geils Band

Yeah, and so does that guitar tone.

12. “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” by MeatLoaf

More than 20 years later and we still don’t know what “THAT” is. 20 years later, and we still don’t care.

13. “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” by Poison

Every campfire has its jackass.

14. “Tonight (I’m Lovin’ You)” by Enrique Iglesias

Another pushy dude in a club who’s clueless to the fact that there’s nothing sexier than consent.

15. “Eternal Flame” by The Bangles

Ya know, it’d be easy to poke fun at this song — but why? It’s catchy, and harmonically interesting, and a lot better than similar songs being produced by pop stars today. So there!

16. “I Wanna Kiss You All Over” by Exile

Creepy? Yes. Awesome? Yes. Despite the nomination for worst love song of all time, I’m gonna step in here and defend this one too — especially since I sing it every time I do karaoke.

17. “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt

Blunt begins this song by saying “my life is brilliant,” proving his lyrics aren’t. Also, put some clothes on; it’s snowing out!

18. “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion

Millions of music snobs around the world wish this song would’ve gone down like the Titanic, but hey, that would’ve robbed you of the opportunity to hear this syrupy number a trillion or more times. The song, like the heart, will go on and on and on and on.

19. “Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer

I’ll let Family Guy speak on my behalf:
That's Enough John Mayer

20. “_______” by ________.

Tell us what track you’d nominate for worst love song of all time. Let us know in the comments section below.



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